I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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