No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
