I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize