This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
