I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
