my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Semen is not good for contacts.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize