Sry I called you an 8
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
