I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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