I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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