I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
