I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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