so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
