I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
