Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
