Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
