guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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