My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
