Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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