I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
