Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize