Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
