dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
