Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
