Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
