I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
