Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
