Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
