Already got asked if we're dating
My room smells like vodka and shame
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
