so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
