Yo dont text me then not text me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
