hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't put those talents on a resume
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We need to feng shui this bitch.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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