Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
