R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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