Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
