I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
