Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
