I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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