My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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