really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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