I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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