That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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