he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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