i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
