none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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