Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
