I want you more than these girls want KFC
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
