you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
