Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
