The maid of honor just puked.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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