so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
