So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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