So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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