i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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