found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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