@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
