My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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