now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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