you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
