OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
