you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
