Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize