Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
