My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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