I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
