We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
