Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
