Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
