i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
