"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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