I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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