I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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